The Inner Struggle

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#1

I didn’t want to quit.

Not now.

But I came close.

Too close.




The Story


It is October 22nd, 2016.

I am sitting on the couch. While I was gone on a trip, I received about twenty emails. I was able to check most of them on the trip when we were at hotels, but not always. I had received an email from the Hopscotch team two days before. “Enter the 2016 Hopscotch Halloween Contest!” I wanted to enter this. Definitely.


It is October 23, 2016.

I am sitting on a chair, doodling, waiting. A little kid jumps up to the chair next to me. “Whattya drawing?” he asks, staring at the paper. “I’m drawing ideas for a videogame I’m going to make,” I reply. “What kind of video-game?” “A Halloween game.”


It is early August, 2016

“We must trust you more since you are almost in High School. We are going to give you new privileges. Instead of having just one hour of electronics each day, you get to have an hour and a half. Remember, this counts for both playing games and checking emails now. Anything you do on your electronics, not related to school, is part of this time…”


It is October 29, 2016.

I was sick. That I was not happy about. But I was glad that my mom said that my electronics time didn’t count since I was sick. I wouldn’t have to worry about finishing things in a limited time. But owwww, my head hurts. When is that deadline again? Whew, just until six o’clock on Halloween…


It is October 30, 2016.

I sit in the chair, waiting for my turn to speak. Thoughts turn inside my head. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish this game. I don’t have enough time. Once I get home, I only have an hour to work on my game. And I have classes and homework for most of the day tomorrow. I won't have enough time. I could always sneak the iPad into my room and work on it No, I wouldn’t want to win by lying to my parents. I was almost sure I would win something. I worked hard and actually made something I was proud of (even if it wasn’t finished yet). My brain does something ridiculous. Instead of working on something, it likes to imagine what would happen if I completed this thing or won that thing. I especially day-dream as I lay in bed, trying to sleep. Wow! If I won, maybe my parents would actually understand what I’m doing, instead on just nodding their heads when I say I made a game. Maybe I could convince them to get me a subscription!… If I won, wouldn’t it be cool to write to the local paper? They’d be interested in stuff like that, right? “Teenage Coder Wins Halloween Competition”…If I won, what T-Shirt would I get? I mean, I’m planning on making my own “H” t-shirt, so maybe I could get a Bear t-shirt or something…


It is October 31, 2016

“I think I’ve finally finished my game! Can you test it out for me? We still have five minutes ‘till class”
“Sure! That bear is cute, it is a bear, right?”
“Yeah, it’s a Bear.”
“The game looks good, thanks for letting me play!”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to publish it once I get WiFi.”


It is November 1, 2016

Waiting. Waiting. Checking. Waiting.

When will the email come?

Waiting. Waiting. Checking. Waiting.

Where is the email with the winners?


It is November 2, 2016

Waiting. Excitement. Checking. Waiting.

Will the day drag on forever?

Waiting. Nervous. Checking. Waiting.

Will I finish that Hopscotch video today?


It is November 3, 2016

Start, start, start. The car doesn't start. We need to go. Dad’s trying to fix it, but I’m just sitting here. I take a peek at the iPad. There is a notification: “Check out the HHC Finalists!”. I frantically open the iPad, convinced that I was at least a finalist, and preparing myself to calm down even if I didn’t win a T-Shirt. Hopscotch loads, and I see…


It is mid-November 2015

I finally finished my best creation on Hopscotch yet, “Science Lab”. I knew the past few games I’d made hadn’t earned a lot of likes, but I thought it was because they were made from videos, not from my imagination. I was sure it would get a feature. A week passed. Then a month. And another month. Nothing more than 20 likes. I at least wanted to be appreciated. But nothing. For months.


It is December 30, 2015

Here it was. My greatest game (I still considered it my greatest game for months), my hours of work. Finished. And now published. I compared it to featured games. I thought it would get the feature. I was smarter now, right? I knew more about code than ever before, right? But no feature. No more than 15 likes for a long time. I was disappointed. I loved to code. But what’s the point if your hard work doesn’t get acknowledged, right? What’s the point if nobody appreciates it? At this point, I went into a lapse of not really wanting to try; I lost my excitement for Hopscotch for a very long time…


It is November 3, 2016

No. Not again. I worked harder this time! NOOOOOO. I, I-
And the inner struggle begins.




The Inner Struggle


I am just done right now.
I bet the Hopscotch Team didn’t even see my project.
I have great ideas, but I never finish them or nobody appreciates them, not even my parents.
I may as well just quit. The stuff that really matters, no one notices.
Yeah, I’ll just quit. My life would have less struggles without Hopscotch in it
I worked soooo hard on that game, and I can’t believe I wasn’t a finalist. I mean, my game was so better than th-
Stop it
Just stop

I need a break, I can’t handle the negative thoughts staring at my iPad. And I need to still go on with the rest of my day, and not let this pull me down.

No, I’m sure they looked at every project, no matter how badly I want to use this excuse.

If anything, my sister appreciates my ideas, Hopscotch or not. Those people who tested it for me appreciate it too, they saw me working on it and they played it. @TheRealBlah appreciates it. @ValueGamesStudio tudios appreciates it. At least they took the time to reply on my feedback topic. My parents will sometime appreciate it, not just see it as another game I play on my iPad.

I can’t quit. I’m not even being serious with myself. I know that even if I don't publish anything, I still love Hopscotch and coding awesome things on there. And people notice it. The Hopscotch Team notices it. I didn’t self-nominate Graffiti Draw, so someone noticed my big project and appreciated it. I should be grateful. Four features, yeah, I don’t need another…no matter how much I want more. There’s a few great coders who don’t even get a feature in the first place.

Even though my time through Hopscotch has struggles, there is a lot of positivity for most of the time (especially in the forum) and I also wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t even want to take a break from it, there’s so much I could work on!

I looked over the finalists again with a clear head. I obviously wasn't in the beginner category, and I think I would be better than Advanced. So that means I would be in Expert. Looking over the Expert games, I realized these people had smoother games than mine and more code. They deserved to be there. All of the finalists deserved to be there. I can’t say that my project should be in the place of a different project because mine is better. I'm not a beginner or advanced. I would not be either of those. So I’m an Expert. And there are things I could have done better in my project. They all deserve the feature and the t-shirts. I just need to stop being negative.




Conclusion


You are probably wondering why I created a topic about this. Well, everyone in Hopscotch has at least felt some of the “inner struggle” when they feel unappreciated. This is just my story (and a way to calm myself down). I think many Hopscotchers quit because of negative thoughts in the “inner struggle”. I’m planning on creating a topic soon that will help Hopscotchers overcome the “inner struggle” and keep coding, and not quit. I’m still working on ideas, so if you have an idea let me know! Also, please share personal experiences with the “inner struggle” in Hopscotch and how you overcame it. It will be useful as I create my topic!

When I create the new topic, do you want me to tag you so you can be involved with helping others?

  • -Yes!
  • -No, but thanks! Sounds like a great idea :smiley:

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Thank you for reading this entire topic. I know it is really long, so thanks a lot for taking time out of your forum-searching to read it.

Please note, I’m still cooling off about anything related to HHC, and I don't want to start feeling to negative again...so please don’t be offended if I don’t reply to posts about it at first. But feel free to talk about it and I will get back to you at a point. :wink: And let me know if I got confusing at all in the topic, so I can fix it. Any other questions about anything in this topic? Let me know. :slight_smile:


#2

Wow. This is an amazing topic. I have lots of inner struggles too, but I osmehow conquer them.


#3

Amazhang Topik! :thumbsup:


#4

I know what the inner struggle feels like, but turn that struggle into motivation!:grinning: I was pretty upset when some of my projects didn't get featured. The ones a worked so hard on weren't noticed by as many people I expected and wanted. I turned that into motivation and I've achieved featured.

That's why you should always have the hard times be your motivation to success. Many of the richest people in the world came from poverty and they used that as motivation and look at what they've succeeded!:grinning:


#5

WOW.

JUST. WOW.

THIS TOPIK.

It is amazing

You perfectly described every piece of your mind, your thoughts, and your struggles.

We all have struggles and struggles times, you know.


#7

Of course I appreciate it!