Paragraphs = automatic smartness
@Serenity Can I tell you I think you act strange? I know the same applies to me, but your mannerisms have evolved so much.
elaborate? I wanna know my strangeness
You act much more casual and relaxed nowadays, I wonder what changed you.
well mostly I guess it’s just me evolving to the wonderful thing called internet grammar, which makes it a lot harder to tell whether I’m flatly delivering a question or passive-aggressively throwing shade
combined with the zero free time I have bc ap classes and activities/vocal accomplishments, most of the time it’s because I just don’t care enough
and I guess you could say I’ve experienced some personal growth in these years (i.e. I now have a consistent friend group; i worry a lot less about “doing it right” and am slightly better at spontaneity; I’ve gotten some pretty epic vocal and academic honors from prestigious institutions that have given me a bit of a reputation, which is weird because people know who I am now; not one but three fine male specimens have told me they possess regard of That Sort for me and I was able to make a mature decision to remain Single™) and I just have a lot more confidence in general idk
I also feel like my long time on the forum puts me in more of the Well-Known/Legends™ category than anything else, and because most of the people I looked up to are either gone or taking the back seat, I also don’t feel the need to prove myself as much on here, since I’ve finally got something going for me in the Outernet™
but don’t get me wrong I’m still totally willing to fight anyone if they say something stupid
Aha. I see where you are coming from.
At the very beginning, I wanted to be well known with an impeccable reputation on the forum because of my loneliness in school(long story of the rise and fall and rise of my self-esteem). It was very difficult for me who just experienced a fairly bad time and combating the aftershocks. I feared being ostracised. I thought the Internet would be better having an avatar as a disguise and I worked intensely on my persona.
It was an addictive hobby, I loved the image I created and I often thought myself as her. Just how much joy acting gave me, even through just text. However, at one point I suddenly lost the interest and thought it might not be worth it, being an idealised version of myself to appease others. I no longer enjoy being in an act so I stopped.
I can’t say I regret it, because it was fun. Even until today, I think acting online is a clever way of escapism and testing people and their reactions to different personas. If I could start over, I would definitely do a lot of trolling for the sake of amusement considering how forum members acted years ago.
My personal life, on the other hand, has not been great. Moving to a small city and going to a public school primarily based on fundings gave me a taste of life. I have a lot more leisure time than two years ago. I mostly spend it by reading esoteric books written by dead guys, studying higher grade textbooks, drawing and watching videos. Productivity makes me happy AND helps me escape from the pressure given by “friends” and family.
I decided that I should be more involved with school activities and my peers. Just more than before as a social experiment. Meaning I will probably be less active on this forum which I don’t give much of a flying disc about in the first place.
“do I like you or do I like the idea of you” a series
don’t miss the thrilling sequel “do I like you or do I like that you like me”
or the riveting conclusion “let’s just play it safe, the answer to everything is no”
Feelings are overrated. They motivate you to get up at six-thirty in the morning and give you the excuse to sit on your bottom and eat junk food for three consecutive days.
They also like to tie you with some stranger with this thing called attraction.
see but I don’t abide by feelings because I have none
I just overanalyze every piece of data that comes my way like a gigantic supercomputer and someday it will be the death of me
To be honest, that is a good thing. Reason doesn’t keep you distracted or decrease your productivity. Enjoy that while you can, because I’m tangled in the mess of worrying about the few people I care about.
I’d like to make friends more often, though. Just as a study experiment with human behaviour.
idk about y’all but I think the internet has transformed me
like I get more pleasure from the idea of doing things than from actually doing them
I have consumed five mugs of tea in the span of two days. I have succumbed to the charms of the tea side
welcome to parent-enforced guilt, home of unrealistic expectations and crippling feelings of worthlessness
come join us in the valley of lackluster overachieving and incessant tears
h*ck yeah baby this is where I reside constantly!
I shall thanks
I enjoy those moments and feelings every day
Especially in math
did I even make a so-
* SLAMS YOU WITH A WALL OF SOUND *
ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I
EVER BE MORE THaN I’vE aLwAYs bE-
Oml yEs DeAr EvAn HanSeN. My call has been answered
that’s it I want a disney honeymoon