A Lesson On Apologies

hopscotch
ideas
helpwithcode

#1

Dear So and So...
Dear Whomever,
Dear Somebody-

I'm sorry for whatever I did to you and I promise that I will never hurt you this way ever again.

From,
A Hopscotcher
Someone In Regret
Remorseful

I think Hopscotch may need a reminder on apologies.

It doesn't matter the situation. It doesn't matter who was involved, who did what first– everyone needs to apologize for any sort of damage they did to the other.

On Hopscotch, don't expect others to fall in with your pity party. Don't complain about receiving hate. Most of the time, you did do something, and keeping it in denial is only going to worsen your case and state.

Okay, if you are getting hate for something you deeply and truly don't deserve, for instance– trying hard on making a project that was clean, organized and creative– you wholeheartedly have a stand to protest against your opposers. But what about drama? If you're receiving it because of an oppression you and some other users were involved in, you probably did something. And if you honestly can't find what you did wrong after analyzing the situation, then don't be afraid to ask. Believe it or not, there are tons of helpful and caring people out here who will not hesitate to tell you, even if they disagree with your actions on Hopscotch.

Another point I should get across– if there are two sides to the situation, both should apologize. This is where I have to bring in the actual involvement on Hopscotch. Earlier in March I took inspiration from another user's art challenge and she went full out, threatening to exclude me from her club and never letting me get an honorable mention. I apologized and unpublished the project, changed the challenge, and then I took a deep breath and calmed down, while other's reactions continued to blow up. They criticized her on this, and while I did ask people to stop hating on her, it continued to get worse.

After a while, it died down, but the user came back, and made a project about how she had feelings, and how she was really breaking down. Henceforth, I apologized again for everything that had happened. This was today.

Yet now I realize, she never did apologize for all the harsh things she said to me. She has not expressed a single apology, unless I am mistaken, and this irritates me. I apologized twice for a simple slip in credit, and she does not apologize for anything that she said to me.

Now I get back to my original point– apologize. It will make you feel better, and no matter how hard the words 'I'm sorry' might seem to form, an apology will make everything better. If you hold an apology off, nothing good will happen. Bystanders will conclude that you don't care, and that you feel no remorse or regret to what you have done. Apologizing can change a lot, and it can heal things... who knows, a new friendship may bloom from a wilting rivalry, only because you amended things and said sorry.

Don't try to settle things with fake apologies. If you don't really feel sorry for what you did, then take a break and think about it– why don't you feel sorry? If you say things you don't mean, it influences actions later and can do even more damage then intended. Just saying sorry for something you don't understand isn't worth it– don't be afraid to ask questions. And if you really don't feel sorry, and have a reason, then tell somebody. It's going to help to get your point across, and maybe they can help you really apologize.

Not to mention, these people on the screen? They have a life behind it, and maybe they seem angry on an iPad, or emotionless when glowing through the pixels, but outside? For all you know, just because you never said sorry, they will feel like someone is always looming over them, crushing them with negativity. Trust me, I know. There are so many things I wish I could apologize for. Simply accepting that you did something wrong changes a whole lot– it acknowledges that you know you made a mistake and you wish you could fix it, so you're trying to do the next best thing.

Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has the dignity and modesty to acknowledge it.

OMTL

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#2

This is one of the most well-written, meaningful topics I've ever seen. This is awesome, thank you for making this! I fully agree, it's hard to admit you're wrong. But it's worth it.


#3

Thanks!

True. Most people like to think that they are always right, that they never have done wrong or that their actions don't need to be forgiven.


#4

Wow. This is a really beautifully written topics I've seen.


#5

:0

Thanks? :0


#6

Yep. Some people are also just too angry to admit that it wasn't the other person's fault.


#7

Yeah. It's unfortunately common for people to force it into a two-sided drama: "they did it first" "they provoked me" "he/she forced me to"


#8

But Glowwy didn't do anything.....


#9

Huh? I'm not talking about Glowwy...?


#10

Sorry, I didn't read your whole thing, but you said if you receive hate then you've done something


#11

No, actually, I didn't say that. Maybe I wasn't clear enough:

This does not mean that you did, only that on Hopscotch it is sadly common that you did something. Glowwy received hate almost certainly because of jealousy and just flat out trolling.

Again, this is a nudge to others who have received hate simply because of jealousy and people who want others to feel bad.


#12

Ok sorry.


#13

Nah, it's fine.


#14

:00 How are your fingers?


#15

I like your topic, but the part about hate isn't really....well...uh.
I have haters and I don't try to complain about them, but may I remind you, you haven't been the best at keeping your haters to yourself either.


#16

Great topic! I also think that apologies can solve a lot. I have seen apologies effect people very quickly in the (very dumb) flamewars that had to do with me. I guess that was good. But the thing in the drawing topics taking longer... whoops


#17

This is a great topic, I will and can definitely learn from this


#19

I apologize for being mean to you, if you want to word it that way, by explaining why it was not good to steal art of others off the internet, even if it was a prank.


#20

This is a great topic! Everyone should learn this and remember it when they are in a situation like this!


#21

Yes, I know... I'm not the most experienced person when it comes to dealing with my own hate.

cough, cough especially considering I can get pretty irritated by some certain things :sweat_smile:

I have my flaws.

I'm going to be honest, I have done most of the things I said not to do, and now I know better, because they didn't really help. (The "situation" was really the first time that had ever happened to me.)

So I'm advising others not to do those things– sure, basking in attention for something someone else did to you may get you attention, but it's not going to feel right after. Just apologize, that's the point of this topic.

I know I've done most of the above, and I shouldn't have.